My final destination with the boys for this trip would be Hanoi and Ha Long Bay, before I fly back to Sydney and they go on to Laos. It's been a significantly more chill couple of days, and to my gratification we've cut down on the partying. This has been due to unique circumstances, but I'm also glad that I've spent these halcyon days of farewell not in a hungover state.

Continuing on from where we left off on the last post, we rushed Lenny 6 hours on the night bus so he could get his eyes and his face properly checked out in Hanoi city, since we were loath to allow a non-English speaking doctor to attend to him. Language troubles have caused us enough misunderstanding when bargaining or shopping, and we didn't want a mistranslation ending up in both of Lenny's eyes gouged out.

So after rushing in and out of hospitals at 5am while the roads were empty and the doctors unqualified, we came to one of the city's premier hospitals (Hanoi French Hospital) where we were disappointed to find that the incompetence had extended to there. A French doctor inspected Lenny's face and pronounced it a-okay, only to find out later that night in our hostel bathroom that Lenny had a 7mm long shard of stone embedded in his cheek. Doctor Felix and Sexy Nurse Treves proceeded to perform emergency surgery on Lenny with iPhone flashlights and a pair of dull tweezers, disinfected only with hand sanitiser. In that smelly and cramped toilet, we prodded around Lenny's cheek and caused some litres of pus to bubble from the wound, while Lenny's eyes started watering and his fists were clenched to keep him from fainting. The damned bugger stuck in his face wouldn't relent, and for a good five minutes we could only scrape a crunching noise against the rock before Felix went for the jugular and extracted the bad boy. All of this was cleansed off by invoking the name of God and casting Holy Water (Betadine) at the open wound to compel the demons of infection to be expelled. This episode made us deduce two things: a) that Felix is more qualified to be a doctor and Hanoi, and b) that Hanoi is a dumping ground for disgraced doctors expelled from the French Academy of Physicians.

Head is bloody but unbowed

While day broke over Hanoi, and the quietude of the streets transformed into the honking of cars and the hawking of people, we soldiered on throughout the day the run errands around the city, such as fixing my camera (it works!) and making sure Lenny's walking supply of pharmaceutical drugs was constantly restocked (he will be opening a store downtown next year).

The ambience in Hanoi is actually more agreeable than almost all of the cities I've visited this trip, save for Chiang Mai in Thailand. While staying at the constricted streets of the Old Quarter, we observed how third-world craziness melded with the legacy of French colonial architecture, and how even some placards were still written in French. We walked around aimlessly like zombies until even the delectable cups of Vietnamese egg coffee we'd consumed was no longer able to keep our hearts pumping, and we crashed at the hostel. One would think we'd finally get some rest in bed, but even in sleep I had to wrestle with Lenny over bed real estate and ownership of the shared blanket. There is no rest for the weary.

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The next day, we awoke excited for our cruise to Halong Bay!!

This trip surprised us for the better in a lot of ways, especially since we thought we had booked some junk boat for commoners, but turned out we'd scored a five-star luxury cruise instead! Those two days were filled with decadence aboard the Royal Wings boat, the likes of which we were unable to experience the last few weeks on the road. The food was flavoursome and we were treated to buffets of oyster and squid and BBQ chicken and pork. Other meals were served with at least five courses, with excellent table service and cocktails on the rooftop deck. When we weren't stuffing ourselves for the next ice age hibernation, we were watching fruit carving demonstrations, or practicing tai chi on the deck at six in the morning, or enjoying the jacuzzi that was installed in each room. I had a room all to myself, which meant that I could sleep like a starfish and I wouldn't have to have my blanket torn away from me or have sneaky farts released under the covers to drive me to the fringes of the bed. I spent about an hour just rolling from side to side on the crisp sheets naked, JUST BECAUSE I COULD.

Electric toilet so my butt can stay warm or wet at the touch of a button

There were also a lot of activities to keep you occupied on the boat, which is fair enough since I don't know how long I could've kept rolling on the bed. On a cold and cloudy day, we were the only passengers on the cruise to opt for kayaking instead of a guided bamboo boat tour. First, a review from Trip Advisor:

We just had the most horrendous experience in Halong Bay with a kayak. Kayaking is generally assumed to be very safe in these calm waters but there are some serious hazards that we were not warned about. A friend and I kayaked around some of the karsts. As we approached what looked like just another cavern in a wall, our kayak got sucked in. We didn't really know what was happening but couldn't stop the kayak and smashed into the wall of what turned out to be a cave. The impact capsized the kayak. We managed to cling on to it but couldn't understand why it was getting darker around us. When we barely saw any light from the now far-away entrance, we abandoned the kayak and tried to swim, realising for the first time that we were in a very, very strong current dragging us further into the cave. Swimming was no use and eventually we managed to hit the walls, now in utter darkness. My friend and I were separated but could still communicate with each other by shouting. We then desperately tried to claw our way back along the walls against the current. It took about 45 minutes to an hour before we saw daylight again in the distance. 

Luckily another friend had seen where we disappeared and returned to our boat to alert the crew. They were unfortunately ill equipped to deal with the situation and managed to get themselves into trouble by following us into the cave. Eventually we were rescued by another tourist kayaker on a rope. We sustained serious lacerations to body, hands and feet from clinging on the sharply-countoured cave wall and the whole experience was absolutely terrifying. Swimmers less strong or less confident in the water may well have been swept all the way or drowned. Locals later told us that we were lucky to have survived; apparently the cave may be up to 200 m deep. Why there is such a strong current we could not work out; there may be sinkholes into which we could have been sucked. 

Our nightmare was unfortunately not over. Our hosts were not worried about our injuries or trauma - instead we were soon approached to pay 500 US dollars for the lost kayak. We were threatened to be held to ransom in the boat if we did not pay and even later, when we talked our way to be returned to Cat Ba where we booked the trip, we were blackmailed as the company held our passports. Eventually, we parted with 150 US dollars just to get away and have our injuries seen to.
I have travelled to many countries in the world and I am saddened at how this experience turned out for us. Please spread the word that the caves around Halong Bay can be dangerous.

While this made Felix and me more cautious as the sky darkened and the waters grew more violent, Lennart probably had a hard-on from reading that review and so proceeded to go off the prescribed path to go "check out" some other islands. "Checking out" what death on the open seas would be like, I suppose. Nevertheless, kayaking was an excellent way to see the famed islands up close without drowning in the currents, and it was magical to have all of the limestone mountains towering over the sea like the charred teeth of an old woman pointed heavenwards, or like mystical islands where dragons or dwarves roamed freely. We were informed there were about 1,969 of these islands in the bay, but your eye can only process so much of those surrounding you until they faded into endless mirages, enveloped by a low and unfathomable fog.






There were other activities too like caving, which wasn't so impressive since we'd seen Phong Nha and Lenny was slowly being debilitated by what I suspect was an infection. There was a food carving class, where Felix demonstrated his dexterity with creating tomato roses, and there was also squid fishing at night. What fishing taught us was that the three of us were in short supply of the virtue of patience, but I also suspect that it was an activity to keep the kids on the cruise occupied while their parents got to enjoy some private jacuzzi time. I know that's what I would have done.

Squid fishing

Just before tai chi at 6am

A series of "before" and "after" shots

Hot pot in the Old Quarter

This is the point in the journey where the last few weeks play by in that flashback reel, where I sit back amidst the sound of crying babies whom I would love to execute and try to reflect upon the pilgrimage that was. I've been more foolish in this trip, yet ironically this has made me wiser in some aspects. I'm surprise how our conversations have evolved since I last spent time with Jakob, Chris, Mikey, Lenny and Felix, and how our points of view of stayed solid or shifted over the intermission of years. Yet what is evident is that the brotherhood is still as strong, and time hasn't dulled the bond an iota. Tragedy and misfortune have afflicted us, yet I know I can always count on these guys to lift me up, and we spoke often of future days on the horizon where we'll be ringing each other to share all the other milestones to come.

Sitting at the airport now, I can't help but think of all the shenanigans and hijinks which have stuffed themselves into the last couple of weeks. Lenny and Felix have proven themselves to be marvellous travelling companions, and I wish them all the best as they try to navigate the nether regions of South East Asia in the coming weeks. For me, I'm looking to reunite myself with my dog and my bed for a night, before I family in our trip to the Philippines and Taiwan. I should be worried that Vietjet has changed my departure times about five times now, and I'm not sure I'll even be able to make my connecting flight from Ho Chi Minh City to Sydney. But the buzz of excitement is in command over whatever concerns I should be having. The adventures have only taken a pause, because I know they'll never stop.